Gregory Freeman: True Confessions From A Three Stooges Fan. P-D 9/7/1997

Headline: TRUE CONFESSIONS FROM A THREE STOOGES FAN
Reporter: By Gregory Freeman

Publication: ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Sun., Sep. 7, 1997
Section: NEWS ANALYSIS, Page: 5E, Edition: FIVE STAR LIFT

THE CURRENT issue of Entertainment Weekly magazine features a section it's calling "Guilty Pleasures."
"Late at night, " it says, "with the shades drawn, the doors bolted, the lights turned low and no one in the house, we've done the dirty deed. We've watched `Coach' reruns. Listened to Anne Murray CDs. And, as painful as it is to admit, enjoyed the occasional Pauly Shore movie. Yes, we've sinned against the gods of good taste, reason, and hipness. And darn, if it didn't feel good!"

Yes, I've got to admit to doing most of those things (except for the `Coach' reruns; I haven't become that depraved). But I've got a pleasure even more guilt-inducing than those, and it's come from three men who inevitably bring a smile to my face whenever I see them:
The Three Stooges.
I admit it. There's something about Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Howard that make me howl. When Moe slaps Larry or Curly makes that "woo-woo-woo" sound, I go over the edge.

Amazing, you think. Surely, a sophisticated urban columnist like me - one who looks so much like Denzel Washington with a beard - wouldn't be into the Stooges. After all, I've attended the St. Louis Symphony. I've enjoyed the work of the Alvin Ailey Dance Co. I've bought Evian water, for goodness sake.

How could I possible find pleasure in the Stooges?
   That's what my wife asks all the time.
   I don't know. I'm just drawn to them. I have been since I was a child and watched them on the kiddie show, "Captain 11 and The Three Stooges." I used to sit in front of our old, wooden black-and-white Emerson set and watch the Stooges' antics every afternoon. And, contrary to those parents who fear that watching the Stooges will make their children want to bang each other over the head with (a) vases; (b) lead pipes; (c) shoes; or (d) all of the above, I was a pretty peaceful kid and don't remember hitting anyone over the head with anything.
   I also never called anyone porcupine, orangutan or any of the other animals that Moe chose to call Larry in every episode.
   But I watched - and continue to watch - the shenanigans of these three. Of course, something kept happening to the third Stooge: Curly had a stroke and was replaced by brother Shemp Howard; Shemp died and was replaced by Joe Besser; Joe quit and was replaced by Curly Joe DeRita (call me a Stooge snob, but I found him to be the least funny Stooge of all).
   Still, I always found their antics funny. In several of the shorts, the trio take a stab at becoming urban sophisticates by attending fancy parties that always seem to feature an inordinate number of pies. If you see a pie, you know a pie fight is bound to break out and some very snobbish woman is going to say, "Well! I never!" just before getting a pie in the kisser. It's great fun.

Now I've conducted the Greg Freeman Official, Unscientific Survey On The Three Stooges and come up with this conclusion: In general, men like the Stooges and women can't stand them.
   There are plenty of exceptions to this rule, of course, but it seems that most of the men I've talked to are like me and love to watch the Stooges poke one another in the eye. Most of the women I've talked to - including my wife - think most of the men I've talked to have lost it.
   That, I guess, is the difference between men and women. Women have grown up. Men are still kids. Women have outgrown childish things. You don't see many women with Kenner Easy-Bake Ovens, do you?|
   But I guess we guys want to hang on to childhood just a little bit longer. There's something gratifying about knowing that you can still enjoy something that you loved when you were a kid. While many of us guys graduated to cars and girls and responsibility and jobs, we knew that the Stooges were one thing we could always count on.

So late on Saturday night, when everyone's gone to bed, you can bet that I'll be laughing it up at the Stooges' efforts to get Shemp married so he can collect a major inheritance. Or the Stooges spending a night in a haunted house. Or the Stooges' misadventures as tailors.
   Thanks to the miracle of film, the Stooges will be with us forever. Even when they're taken off the air - as occurs sometimes - you always know that they'll be back sometime, somewhere.
   So, readers, please forgive me, for I have sinned. I continue to engage in one of life's Guilty Pleasures.
   Woo-woo-woo.

Note: Readers' letters in response to column.

Daniel Schesch - Webweaver

back