Stop And Listen: A Child Is Crying. Gregory Freeman. P-D 3/26/1995

Headline: STOP AND LISTEN: A CHILD IS CRYING
Reporter: By Gregory Freeman

Publication: ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Sun., Mar. 26, 1995
Section: NEWS, Page: 4B, Edition: FIVE STAR

I WAS GETTING into my car after doing some grocery shopping one evening recently when I heard a child wailing.
I looked around, to find a little girl who couldn't have been more than 3 years old, crying her heart out, tears pouring down her cheeks. Then I saw why she was crying.
Spanking her on her behind and cursing at her throughout was a woman I assumed to be her mother. "You get your little a- over here and don't let me see you doing that again, " the mother screamed. "I am sick and tired of your god- attitude and I'm not going to put up with it anymore, you little b-!"

I was stunned. I had no idea what the child had done, but surely it couldn't have warranted that kind of spanking and language. I wondered how the mother's behavior - especially if it continued over time - would affect the child as she grew up.
I thought about how much I've read about so many kids who became violent criminals as adults because they were physically or verbally abused as children.

I gave some thought to intervening, but wasn't sure what to say, or how the mother would respond.

I thought back to a trip to Washington that my teen-age son and I shared last summer. We were riding on D.C.'s Metro when a woman sitting next to her son ordered him to move over in his seat so she could have more room.
   Apparently he didn't move fast enough, because the next thing we knew, the woman hauled off and slapped the youngster, who looked to be about 7.
   A man sitting behind the two saw all of this, leaned forward and said to the mother: "You might want to consider other ways of getting him to do what he should besides slapping him."
   One could see the steam building up in this woman. That he had said anything at all, coupled with the fact that he was white and she and her son were black, caused her to erupt like the mightiest of volcanoes.
   Loudly, she began to berate the man. "You've got no god- right to be telling me what the f- to do, you a-, " she said, in a voice that could be heard by everyone on the train. "That's the problem now, you white folks are always trying to tell other people what to do. You've got a helluva lot of nerve, telling me, you son-of-a-b-!"
   This went on and on, as we passed one stop, then another and yet another. When my son and I finally got off the train, the woman was still cursing.
   I felt sorry for the man, and sorry for the other passengers who had to remain on the train until they got to their stops. It prompted my son and me to talk about what's appropriate behavior.

That scene came back to me as I watched that mother on the parking lot spank her daughter and use language that would make a sailor blush.
   I thought briefly about what I could do.
   Talk to her? She'd probably curse me out worse than she was doing her daughter.
   Call the child abuse hot line? I didn't know the name of this woman or where she lived. Those hot lines surely don't dispatch people on the spot, like the police department. Even if they tried, they never could have been there in time to catch the mother in the act.

Unable to come up with an acceptable response, I got in my car and drove away frustrated.
Maybe it was none of my business, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for that little girl.

A friend and I were talking about it the other day. She said she's run into similar circumstances. What she tries to do when she sees that sort of thing going on is try to start a conversation or come up with a distraction to get the parent's mind off of what's going on.
   "I might walk up to the mother and compliment her blouse, " my friend said. "At least that takes her mind off of the spanking and cursing for a little bit."
   That might work, I thought.
   Still, I thought back to that mother on the Washington Metro. I'm not so sure that if I had suddenly blurted out to her how much I liked her dress, she'd change her disposition.

I'm dissatisfied with my response to the parking lot incident, and I'm willing to bet that you have some ideas for handling this kind of situation.
   I'd like to hear what your suggestions are, or if you've encountered a situation like this, how you responded to it. Pass your ideas along to me by mail, by fax, by Internet or by PostLink. The phone numbers and addresses are listed below, at the end of this column.
   I'll write another column soon and print some of the best responses on how to deal with this type of situation.
   I'm hoping that you've got some good ideas that you can share with other readers.
   I'm waiting to hear from you.

Gregory Freeman's column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Friday ...

Daniel Schesch - Webweaver

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