Gregory Freeman: Parents Must Stay In Touch With Their Children, P-D 5/2/1999

Headline: PARENTS MUST STAY IN TOUCH WITH THEIR CHILDREN
Reporter: By Gregory Freeman

Publication: ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Sun., May 2, 1999
Section: METRO, Page: D3, Edition: FIVE STAR LIFT

Learning from Littleton

Like seemingly everything else in this country these days, the tragic murders in Littleton, Colo., have caused a battle of tongues between liberals and conservatives, each side pushing its own views.
For liberals, it means calls for tighter controls on guns, working harder on keeping them out of the hands of children and closing loopholes that allow people to buy guns at gun shows without the normal checks.
For conservatives, it means finding fault with video games, Hollywood and the television industry.

There's some merit to what both sides are saying. Tighter gun controls may have made this tragedy less likely to happen. The violence portrayed regularly these days on television and in the movies has numbed many of us to it, so much so that we're no longer shocked by a murder or two; it takes as many as 15 deaths, as in the Littleton case, to shock us. And many of today's video games, where people blow others away to solve their problems, probably don't help children learn practical ways to deal with theirs.

Still, it seems that neither side has really gotten to the essence of the problem, and that's parental involvement in our children's lives.
   For some parents, even the most well-intentioned, that may seem difficult at times. We live in an era when both parents usually work, and work seems to consume more and more of our time.
   And although the attention right now has turned to Littleton and Columbine High School, there are lessons that all parents might learn, whether their children are involved in gang activity or simply being sullen.
   I've met young people who never see their parents. When they come home from school, their parents are working. When they go to school in the morning, their parents are sleeping. Parents and children live in the same household but don't really know one another.

One question regarding the Columbine situation that I keep asking is: How two boys could build a bomb in the house without their parents having any idea of what's going on?
   I look at my own household. Yes, my teen-age son can, and probably does, do some things that I don't know about. I'm sure I did a few things when I was his age that my own parents knew nothing about. But build a bomb? Surely the noise, the smell, something would alert me that something was amiss.
   Indeed, a neighbor of one of the boys remembered hearing all sorts of unusual sounds coming from the house.
   But if the parents weren't home, as may have been the case, it would have been much easier for them to build a bomb without the mother or father finding out.

Being away from home at times is a necessity in many of today's households.
But that makes it even more important for parents to try to talk with youngsters before they reach a stage of disconnect, a place where they feel they can't talk to their parents. While teens aren't always talkative (how many parents have asked their child what happened in school that day only to get "nothing" in response?), we should always try to keep the lines of communication open, to encourage our children to talk to us. We should let them know that they can talk to us about anything.

I love being a parent, but I also know that it's perhaps the hardest job I've ever had. It takes work. It means taking an interest in our children's lives. Just as our responsibility as parents doesn't end when we conceive, it also doesn't end when our children can dress and feed themselves. Sometimes we're fooled into thinking that we can relinquish our roles once our children become adolescents.
But we forget that their bodies usually mature before their minds. They're still children in adult bodies.

It's hard to think that anything good could come out of the Littleton tragedy. But if it brings parents a bit closer to their teen-agers, it could make a big difference in the lives of many.

Daniel Schesch - Webweaver

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