Greg Freeman: Never Let Peers Force You To Give Up Your Individuality. PD 5/16/2000

Headline: NEVER LET PEERS FORCE YOU TO GIVE UP YOUR INDIVIDUALITY
Reporter: By Greg Freeman

Publication: ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Tue., May 16, 2000
Section: METRO, Page: B1, Edition: FIVE STAR LIFT

* "Trying to be me"
   "Dear Mr. Freeman, " the letter began. "I'm 15 years old and I have a problem." I'm not Ann Landers, and I don't usually get letters from teen-agers asking for advice. But the young man continued. His family recently moved to St. Louis from another city, and the teen-agers at his school are treating him coolly, he says, because he is black. The twist is, they're black, too.
   The problem, the young man says, is that he finds himself ostracized by his fellow black students because he doesn't limit his musical tastes to songs by African-Americans. He enjoys a variety of pop musicians. He says he likes Britney Spears (a white singer) as much as he likes Sisqo (a black singer).
   He prefers wearing bright-colored clothes, while he says many of his fellow black students have a preference for darker colors.
   He says he speaks grammatically correct English, and has been criticized for that. And some black students pick on him because he likes to read, he says.
   He's even been accused of "trying to be white, " while all he's doing, he says, is "trying to be me."

What's going on here?
Minority groups have often found themselves circling the wagons. The circling has often served as comfort and protection, protection that at times has been necessary, especially when the attacks have been racial. The circle embraces its members who have been hurt. It's home, a place where wounds are soothed.
But the downside of being inside that circle is that sometimes others expect you to conform, expect you to behave in a specific way. It's meant, to a great degree, the loss of individuality.

This isn't just African-Americans. Colleagues of other backgrounds have told me similar things about their own groups.

Among African-Americans, it sometimes is painted as "authenticity."
   There are some who believe that a person is not "authentically black" unless he or she is knowledgeable about Africa, wears kente cloth and other forms of African clothing, and keeps track of African affairs.
   Anything less is "inauthentic."
   There are others who believe that one is not authentic unless he or she listens to the music that a particular group is listening to, or wears the clothes that a particular group is wearing.

Of course, such thinking is flawed.
There is no one person or group that can determine authenticity. It's good to be knowledgeable about Africa; it's good to listen to various types of music. But no one has the authority to tell another person that he is inauthentic because she doesn't do things the way that he does, or see the world the way that he does.
The same goes for music. Would Lenny Kravitz have ever become the star he did had he listened only to rap? Would Tiger Woods have ever reached the heights he's achieved had he played only basketball?

The young man's new colleagues want him to give up his individuality for the sake of group acceptance. That's a high price to pay.
The fact is, we're all unique individuals. There is no one African-American experience, just as there is no one Italian-American experience, no one Cuban-American experience, no one Jewish-American experience. We're all different people, with individual thoughts and concerns.
To look at black people as behaving in one way -- whether you're black and looking out or another race and looking in -- is stereotyping, plain and simple.

My advice to the young man is don't allow yourself to be stereotyped. Pursue your own interests and your own dreams. Never forget where you came from. But remember that you -- and only you -- can determine who you are.

Daniel Schesch - Webweaver

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