Gregory Freeman: Man Can Hit Bottom, Bounce Back. StL P-D 1/10/1997

Headline: MAN CAN HIT BOTTOM, BOUNCE BACK
Reporter: By Gregory Freeman

Publication: ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Fri., Jan., 10, 1997
Section: NEWS ANALYSIS, Page: 5B

ROBERT JENKINS has a smooth and easy grace when he enters the room.
This military veteran is a man at ease with himself, self-effacing yet confident. The firm, sure handshake offered by this tall man with the mahogany face and slightly graying beard does nothing to betray his past.
That in itself is remarkable because Jenkins is a man who's been up, been down to the very bottom and - thanks to much soul-searching, religion and a program that gave him a chance - is coming up once more.

Jenkins is from Fort Lauderdale, Fla. In the '80s he owned an auto parts store. He and his wife produced a daughter during their 10-year marriage. "I was pretty settled, " he said. "Things were going well for me."
Maybe too well. Perhaps because he had a little too much money and time on his hands, he got into gambling, and through that he met guys who were into drugs. Before long, Jenkins had become an alcoholic and cocaine addict.

He didn't know what caused him to become an addict at the time, but he thinks he has it figured out now.
"When you're an addict, it's because of insecurity in oneself, not being satisfied with what you're doing, that you're a follower, not a leader, " Jenkins said. "I think I wanted to live a life that I knew I couldn't live. But what I learned after a long time is that it's a choice. No one makes you become an addict. It's a choice that you make."

Jenkins made that choice, and it resulted in a long and difficult road for him.
   He lost his business and his marriage and eventually became homeless. "I rode up and down the rails for a while, " he said.
   Those rides took him to many cities, including St. Louis on several occasions. His first trip here was 10 years ago, when he took a job for a few months as a truck driver for St. Patrick Center, an agency that works with the homeless and the poor.
   He was still using drugs, though, and eventually left St. Louis. "I kept moving around from place to place, still drinking, still drugging, " he said.
   Jenkins went through several drug rehab programs, but he said they didn't help him. "I never really wanted to stop, " he said. So he'd go back to his old ways, take a job here or there, get drunk and get high.

It started to catch up with him.
"I can recall a time in Aiken, S.C., when I saw people going to church and I wanted to throw rocks at them, " he said. "For no reason, just that they were happy and I was miserable. I had a problem."
Jenkins managed to land another job, this one as a high school security guard. But he got involved in drugs again, this time with high school students who were drug dealers. "I got in trouble there and had to leave town, " he said.

That brought him back to St. Louis in 1992.
   By that time, he was sick. "My kidneys were bothering me and I needed to get help. This time I really wanted to quit the drinking and the drugs, " he said.
   After leading such a hard life, Jenkins was a skeptic, even about religion. "I said, `God, if you are a God, show me a sign. Don't send me a preacher. Show me a sign.' "
   Jenkins said he felt thunder roar in his head like he'd never felt before. "That must have been God, " he said.

Jenkins joined a church. He participated in a 12-step program. "After spending 30 or 40 days cleaning up, I discovered something I hadn't had f or a long time - feelings and emotions. When you're addicted, you don't know what it's like to cry, you don't know how to love somebody. I began to feel things I hadn't felt in years."
Among those feelings was love. He fell in love and married in 1993. He proudly showed me a photo of his handsome family, including an attractive wife and two adorable daughters.
He's studying to become a drug abuse counselor. Key to his comeback was St. Patrick Center, which helped him straighten out his life. "They're a real people fixer, " he said.

The center hired Jenkins and put him to work counseling homeless drug addicts. "No one knows more about being an addict than an addict, and no one knows more about homelessness than someone who's been homeless, " he said.
It's here that Jenkins puts his compassion to work. "I tell them that I love them, that we can go through this thing together. And when that person eventually begins to open up like a flower that you've been watering for a while, it's a beautiful thing."

He said: "For me, I chose to be an addict. In the end, I finally chose not to be one. It took me a while, but I know that was the right choice."

Daniel Schesch - Webweaver

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