Headline: OUR
JUNK MAIL HAS BECOME DIGITAL; ISN'T TECHNOLOGY WONDERFUL?
Reporter: By Greg Freeman
Publication: ST.
LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Tues., Apr. 24, 2001
Section: METRO, Page: C1, Edition: FIVE STAR LIFT
There was a time,
maybe 15 years ago or so, when the arrival of a fax meant something important.
In
this newsroom, faxes got special attention. They meant "urgent, "
that something was breaking, some piece of news too immediate to simply mail.
Over time, however, that started to change. Faxes arrived
with get-rich-quick schemes, announcement of fast-food restaurant openings,
and press releases about things no one cared about. No surprise, then, that
faxes these days get considerably less attention than they once did.
Now e-mail seems
to be the rage, and I'm beginning to resent the person who invented it.
I don't mind e-mail letters. I get maybe 300 e-mail letters
a week, and I'm happy to get them and respond to them.
What
bothers me is the fact that every cockamamie idea, every "make money in
your own home" scheme, every conspiracy theory about black helicopters
flying overhead seems to arrive in my e-mailbox.
Now that we've
learned to mass mail e-mail, we've come up with the Internet equivalent of the
annoying sales call during the dinner hour.
So
while I once waited in anticipation for e-mail, wondering what new and wonderful
idea was being sent my way, now I sometimes grimace when I receive a great deal
of it. It's become a blessing and a curse.
Don't believe
me? Come, take a look at some of the e-mail I've received in the last week alone.
Let's
see: Barnes & Noble has written to me to tell me that they can find any
book for me that's out of print. While I appreciate that unsolicited information,
I don't think my life would have been worse had I not known it.
Someone
has sent me e-mail asking me not to buy gas from Exxon or Mobil, the theory
being that they are the two largest oil companies and if we stopped buying they'd
lower their prices and others would follow suit. Somehow I doubt it, especially
since the two are now one company.
I've
received an ad from a mortgage company that reads: "Mortgage companies
make you wait. They demand to interview you. They intimidate you. And all of
that is while they decide if they even want to do business with you." But
if I just "click here, " this company will be able to help me. Uh-huh.
Oh,
here's something. A company wants to tell me all about the "hot new products
for summer." They range from "all the essential equipment for your
next trip to the beach or your backyard barbecue." Living in St. Louis,
the closest beach to me is probably Times Beach, and I don't think I'll be surfing
anywhere near there.
Here's
an e-mail with the words "$200 in free gas." That is, if I join a
certain travel club. If I do, my name will go into a lottery where I might win
$200 in free gas. But you can't win if you don't enter, so I'll have to go gasless.
And
if you've been watching your snail-mail box hoping for that letter from Publishers
Clearing House, here's something even better. With the words "imminent
winner" in the message field, I have this: "It's coming soon: the
day the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol could visit the Freeman home
to award a $1,000,000 prize! I urge you to complete and submit the attached
$1,000,000 PRIZE AWARD ENTRY REGISTRATION to enter today! If you respond to
this notice right away and are selected the winner, the Prize Patrol will knock
on your door to award Gregory Freeman a $1,000,000 SuperPrize!" And that
personal e-mail, ladies and gentlemen, came directly from Jennifer Mallory,
the prize coordinator.
I've received
all of these in the past week, despite the fact that I have a program that's
supposed to filter out the junk mail.
So let me make one small request: If you were planning to
send me any e-mail selling me anything, offering a get-rich-quick scheme or
offering me something free that really isn't, do me a big favor.
Don't
send it to me.
COPYRIGHT © 2001, ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Daniel Schesch - Webweaver