Greg Freeman: It Was So Hot Here That We May As Well Joke About It. P-D 7/23/2002

Headline: IT WAS SO HOT HERE THAT WE MAY AS WELL JOKE ABOUT IT
Reporter: By Greg Freeman

Publication: ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Tues., July 23, 2002
Section: METRO, Page: B1, Edition: FIVE STAR LIFT

St. Louis is not the place to be at this time of year. Hades would be a comforting relief.

Don't get me wrong. I love this place. In many ways, St. Louis for me is the perfect place to live.
Except in summer. This is one hot place. St. Louis summers can be unbearable without air conditioning.

Our parents never worried about air conditioning. When I was growing up, my folks never complained about the heat. They'd get out an old, heavy, black electric fan and enjoy the hot breeze blowing around.
But today, many of us are wimps. We'll do whatever we can to be where there's air conditioning.

Can you blame us? We don't even have the excuse Arizona has. You know, "It's hot, but it's a dry heat."
There's nothing dry about St. Louis heat. It's head-mopping, sweat-dripping, handkerchief-squeezing hot here.

Even the weathercasters aren't helping. I live in the city, and lately they've been saying that heat warnings are being issued for the city but not elsewhere. How's that? Does the heat know when it's hit the city limit?
    I called KMOV-TV's chief meteorologist, Kent Ehrhardt. I figured I could count on Kent for an explanation.
   He told me that a heat warning is issued when you have at least three days where the heat index is 105 degrees or more, or a single day when it reaches 115 degrees.
    "Because the city has all this concrete, in addition to heat being generated by lots of buildings, the city sometimes has higher temperatures," he said. "And some of the city's brick buildings become ovens."

How hot is it in St. Louis?

It's so hot in St. Louis, the birds are using potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
It's so hot in St. Louis, a man walked by saying, "I wish we'd have a cooling-down rainstorm. ... It's not for me, you know; I've seen one. But for my 8-year old."
It's so hot in St. Louis, two trees were seen chasing a dog.
It's so hot in St. Louis, drivers are deciding that the best parking spot isn't necessarily the one in front of a building but the one with the most shade.
It's so hot in St. Louis that carrots are cooking underground, and all you have to do is pull them up and add salt and pepper.
It's so hot in St. Louis, you can burn an egg on the sidewalk.
It's so hot in St. Louis, we've stopped associating the Poplar Street Bridge with water.
It's so hot in St. Louis, the biggest fear of bicyclists is, "What if I get knocked out and end up on the pavement and burn to death?"
It's so hot in St. Louis, the best way to find it on a newspaper weather map is to look for that burnt orange section in the middle.
It's so hot in St. Louis, Zoo officials are feeding the birds crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
It's so hot in St. Louis, a police officer was chasing a street robber -- and they were both walking.
It's so hot in St. Louis, car dealers are talking about their "not-so-hot" deals.
It's so hot in St. Louis, people sunbathing in Forest Park aren't bringing their sunscreen, they're bringing their dental records.
It's so hot in St. Louis, scientists recently detected beads of sweat on the statue of King Louis IX.
It's so hot in St. Louis, people are mopping up their patio furniture.
It's so hot in St. Louis, firefighters are opening the hydrants to take showers.
It's so hot in St. Louis, service station stops are measured by bottles of water rather than the need for gas.
It's so hot in St. Louis that I may punch the next person who says, "Hot enough for you?"

Daniel Schesch - Webweaver

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