Gregory Freeman: Great Issues: Potato Salad, Ribs And Beer. PD 7/30/1993

Headline: GREAT ISSUES: POTATO SALAD, RIBS AND BEER
Reporter: By Gregory Freeman

Publication: ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Fri., July 30, 1993
Section: WAR PAGE, Page: 5B, Edition: FIVE STAR

CALL IT THE potato salad faux pas.
That's what I call a "debate" concerning an upcoming family reunion. I'm a member of a small committee of family members putting our reunion together. It's a big deal in our family, since the last one of these we held was about eight years ago.
At a recent meeting, we began a discussion about the menu for this event, for which we're expecting as many as 100 people.

One person made the mistake of volunteering to buy potato salad.
   The meeting erupted.
   "Store-bought potato salad!" sniffed one family member. "I can't believe you suggested store-bought potato salad."
   "That's for sure, " harrumphed another. "It doesn't taste right. I always make my potato salad myself."
   The member who had suggested buying the potato salad tried to explain herself. "I just thought that we could save a lot of time and effort if we just bought it . . . ."
   "Oh, no, " someone else said. "What's the point in having a family picnic if the food's no good?"
   "You know, they fly that potato salad into the stores frozen and then they thaw it out, " contributed another.
   "It's frozen?" shrieked one member, in absolute horror. "Good Lord, that's awful!"
   This conversation went on and on for a good 20 minutes, and I wondered if we were going to have a food fight - literally.
   Finally, the poor woman who had suggested buying the potato salad decided that her life would be worth living only if she withdrew her suggestion, and several people volunteered to make the potato salad instead.

Things were going smoothly again until the menu discussion turned to meat. The reunion's chief planners had said that we would have barbecued ribs, riblets, rib tips, chicken wings and chicken breasts.
   Maybe there's something in me that likes living dangerously. Anyway, I made the innocent mistake of suggesting that perhaps we had too much meat. "Since we'll have riblets and rib tips, why don't we drop the ribs?" I suggested. "We could save a lot of money that we could put to use elsewhere."
   I looked over at my mother and knew I was in trouble when I saw her jaw drop.
   "No ribs?" she asked, incredulously. "I don't think it's much of a picnic without ribs."
   "I just thought that since we had all that other meat, that we could cut back by dropping the ribs, " I said.
   "Well, do what you want to do, " my mother said, in that voice that says that her only son is doing something terribly stupid and she can't understand why.
   That sparked 25 more minutes of debate. To rib or not to rib? That was the question.
   The answer was to rib, after all. My mother won out.

Needless to say, these family meetings last for several hours. This particular one lasted 3 1/2 hours. We always manage to get things done, but it sometimes takes a while to get to it.

Like when we discussed how much beer to buy for the reunion weekend which, in addition to the picnic, will include several other events.
   Some thought that 40 packs of beer would be a good amount to have.
Others of us thought that was a bit high.
   "Everyone's not going to drink beer, " I suggested.
   "That's true, " said someone else, backing me up. "Plus, we don't want people to get drunk. You know, we have some relatives who will drink as long as they can stand up."
   Others disagreed. "I don't think 40 packs is too much, " one said. "It's going to be hot during the picnic, and people are going to want to drink to keep cool."
   "But that's the whole point, " said one committee member. "We don't want them drinking lots of beer to cool off. That's why we're buying plenty of soda."
   "That may be so, but some people won't want to drink soda. We don't want people getting angry because there's not enough beer."
   That incensed one relative. "Well, if they get angry, they can run out and buy some more themselves. This isn't a bar, it's a picnic. What do people expect?"
   You guessed it: Another half-hour discussion before a decision to buy 30 packs of beer instead.

After months of planning, the reunion's coming up this weekend. Those of us on the committee are finally beginning to smile as we watch it fall into place.
But I must admit I'll feel a certain emptiness when this weekend's over.
Who am I going to argue with now?

Daniel Schesch - Webweaver

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