Headline: FOLLOW
THESE TIPS TO AVOID PITFALLS OF MOTHER'S DAY
Reporter: By Gregory Freeman
Publication: ST.
LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Thur., May 11, 2000
Section: METRO, Page: B1, Edition: FIVE STAR LIFT
* Listen up, gentlemen
OK, fellas,
consider this your three-day warning.
Mother's Day is
Sunday. If you're like most guys, you haven't given it any thought. I know that
until now, I've given it very little.
But
you can be sure that your wife is watching. And your mother isn't far behind.
At this moment, they're dreaming about what you're going to get for them.
It's
got to be the right present, bar none. Anything less and you'll be telling Fido
to move over Sunday night.
I've learned a few things about Mother's Day over the years. So, in the name of sharing and giving to my fellow man, here are:
Greg's Tips for Men on Mother's Day Gifts.
1. If she says,
"You don't have to get me anything for Mother's Day, " don't believe
it. The words certainly sound tempting, don't they? But especially for those
who are young and new husbands, trust me. I haven't been married for 21 years
for nothing.
If
you really want to disappoint your wife, agree with her that you don't have
to get her a Mother's Day present. Mother's Day won't be a happy one for those
in the household. And don't expect anything on Father's Day either.
2. Listen to your wife or mother when she tells you what she doesn't want for Mother's Day. My mother does this regularly. Don't get her another grooming kit, she'll say. She has enough of those. Don't get her a scarf because she has enough scarves. It might be easier selecting her gift by looking at what she doesn't want.
3. When it comes
to greeting cards, don't use me as an example. This is my routine with greeting
cards: The day before Mother's Day, I march into the store and head to the greeting
card section. There, I do battle, elbowing my way through a crowd of men, all
staring, zombie-like, at what's left in the card section as they mumble, "must
. . . find . . . card."
Finally,
I pick up one of the last cards remaining, a card with RuPaul's face on the
front, and the words, "Have a mother of a day." Oh yeah. My mother
will like that one.
4. Wives and mothers
don't like getting gifts that aren't personal. While I once may have thought
that a set of Teflon pots and pans would be ideal for my wife, I have since
learned that such a present is likely to get the good-intentioned giver one
across the lips, and I don't mean a kiss, either.
While
I wouldn't object to getting a power saw for Father's Day, don't even think
about doing the same for Mother's Day. As the old saying goes, that dog won't
hunt.
5. The phrase,
"It's the thought that counts, " is applied to children, not husbands.
If you're a child, a mangled bowl-like item that you make and give to your mother
as an ashtray will be cherished on Mother's Day, even if dear old mom doesn't
smoke. It will become a lifelong keepsake.
But
don't expect the same rules to apply if you're a husband. Cheap perfume or a
chintzy, cut-glass ring won't cut the mustard. She'll wonder if your thoughts
were cheap. Don't even go there.
6. If your wife isn't a mother, don't assume that you shouldn't get her a Mother's Day present. This is especially true for newlyweds. A disappointed wife who gets not even a card on Mother's Day is likely to ask why not, and the response that she's not a mother can easily draw a response like, "But I hope to be someday." That leaves you with your jaw dropped open after you say, "Duh!"
7. If you can't cook, don't start now. The worst thing you can do is to try to whip up dinner for her if the only thing you're used to cooking is a boiled egg. Chances are you'll come up with some concoction that neither you nor she will want to eat, and she'll inherit your dirty dishes. This is not the way to say I love you.
So there you have it, guys. A three-day warning and some tips to help you stay away from the potential minefields.
Don't say you weren't warned.
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