Gregory Freeman: Do You Know Where Your Children Are? P-D 8/15/1993

Headline: DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE?
Reporter: By Gregory Freeman

Publication: ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed: Sun., Aug. 15, 1993
Section: WAR PAGE, Page: 4B,Edition: FIVE STAR

I'M SICK OF the violence among youngsters.
I'm sick of kids killing kids and kids killing adults. As I continue to watch the ongoing carnage, a question keeps popping in my mind: Where are the parents?

When I was a kid, I never saw the kind of violence we see today.
Drive-by shootings? Unheard of. McCoy vs. Hatfield-like revenge killings? Extremely rare. Kids going to school with guns? Hardly ever.
I didn't grow up in idyllic times. Far from it. I grew up in the tumultuous '60s and '70s. Kids weren't perfect then. Fights broke out, some kids carried switchblades, and the streets could still be a dangerous place for a kid.

But when I was growing up, parents seemed to know more about their children. Remember those words that came across the TV screen each night? "It's 10 p.m. Do you know where your children are?" My parents did. And so did those of most of the kids I knew.
I'd be willing to bet that a lot fewer parents can answer that question with a "yes" these days.
It wasn't that long ago that I was a kid. I'll be 37 this week. And yet it seems that my childhood was not only in another time, but in another world.

So where are the parents in this world? Where have those parents been who say they had no idea that their 14-year-old had a gun? Or those whose teenagers were shot in a drive-by shooting at 3 a.m.? Or those whose kids were harmed as they sat on a front porch at midnight?
Most decent people want to stop the violence. But sometimes we've got to take some steps ourselves. We can't sit back and expect the police or others to do the job alone.
As parents, we've got to know our kids. And when we know they're doing something wrong, we've got to stop them from doing it. It's our job as parents. This job doesn't pay, and it's one that we can't quit.

Who are the parents of those unnamed juveniles who are always referred to in the paper, often in connection with a violent crime? Did the parents have any idea what kinds of things their kids were involved in? If so, what steps did they ever take to try to stop them?
Those questions come to my mind time and time again when I read these stories.

When you start to drive a car, you've got to study a manual and then take a test to get your license.
But when you become a parent - a significantly more important job - there's no manual, no test, no license. You just jump in there and give it everything you've got - or at least you should.
Unfortunately, many parents aren't giving it all they've got. They're too busy with their own lives, their own jobs and their own concerns to spend the necessary time with their children. They're letting their children run wild, providing insufficient discipline and few if any role models. Many kids might as well not even have parents.

Constructive parenting starts when the children are young, with the simple basics. Please and thank you. May I and no thank you. Offering praise when children have done well. Taking them to places they might not visit otherwise. The zoo. The art museum. Ethnic festivals. Libraries. Parades. The circus.
   But parenting doesn't stop there.
   Talk to your youngsters. Who are their friends, what are their hobbies, what do they like to do? What are their strong points and weak points? What do their moods mean?
   Simple questions, certainly, but I'm willing to bet that countless parents can't answer those questions.

If you're one of those parents who has had children and then simply decided to let the world raise them, think long and hard about what kind of parent you are.
   You're not helping them if you only feed them every day (and you're helping them even less if you don't even do that).
   Kids aren't animals. They have to be raised, and it's up to you to see that they're raised correctly. That's your job.
   No, you're not the only one who will influence your youngsters. But your influence is strong. Try using it.
   Meanwhile, if you're not going to spend any time raising your kids, please think twice and consider not having them in the first place. You won't be doing them any favors, and you won't be doing the world any favors by having them.

I know that there are no official manuals for being parents.
But there's still something called common sense.
Too many parents these days seem reluctant to use it.

Meanwhile, I am sick of the violence among youngsters.
Someone needs to take responsibility for it.
I nominate the parents.

Daniel Schesch - Webweaver

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