Headline: DAYTIME TV ADS SEEM TO TARGET BUMS, MORONS
Reporter: By Greg Freeman

Publication: ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Last Printed:  Tue., Apr. 10, 2001
Section: METRO, Page: C1, Edition: FIVE STAR LIFT

I've reached the conclusion that advertisers think that people who watch television during the day are lazy, moronic or just plain worthless.
  
I came to that realization recently when I stayed home for a day with a bad cold. Between a steady diet of court shows like "Judge Judy" and game shows like "The Price is Right, " I was hit with a barrage of commercials.
   So is my conclusion overly harsh? I don't think so, at least based on what I saw that day.
   There were tons of ads for get-rich-quick hucksters. Oh, that's right, some call them lawyers. Does your child have cerebral palsy? Must be the doctor's fault. Sue him! Have you been in a traffic accident? Don't call the insurance company, call a lawyer. He'll sue the insurance company and make sure you get more money. Getting a bit behind in your bills? Call a lawyer and file for bankruptcy.
  
Yes, friends, every bad thing that happens to you in life can be a money-making opportunity. Step right up and get the shyster of your choice! Interestingly, no one ever suggests suing lawyers who make mistakes.

But the commercials hardly stopped there.
   Do you hate being overweight but also hate dieting and exercise? Why do either one? Now there are pills that you can take, go to sleep and miraculously find that you're losing weight while you're dreaming of puff pastries. Not sure if this is for real? Take a look at Jane. Here's her picture when she was a fat, overweight slob; now here's her picture after she lost 40 pounds in 10 days. Amazing, huh? Oh, by the way, results not typical.

Apparently a lot of people who watch TV during the day don't pay their phone bills, or at least that's what the advertisers think. You can't get through an hour of daytime TV without a commercial featuring someone who didn't pay his phone bill and found that his service had been cut off. "It's my cousin's fault, " one sad sack proclaims in one commercial. Another says "hello" into her obviously dead phone about a dozen times and doesn't seem bright enough to realize that her service has been cut off.
  
But no problem: Rather than pay your bill to get the phone turned back on, there are companies that provide independent phone service so you can talk your way into debt once again. The best part: No credit check necessary, just a significant down payment -- one, by the way, that you probably could have used to pay the bill to get the phone turned back on. Ah, those pesky details.

Speaking of credit -- do you have bad credit and can't get a credit card? Dial this number and get the credit card that you not only want but deserve! I suppose you also deserve a 22 percent interest rate on that credit card as well.
  
Are you getting parched sitting at home and watching these commercials all day? Fret not! To the rescue comes the local company that sells generic beer and liquor and reminds guys that "the more she drinks, the better you look."
  
And has this ever happened to you? You drive a car but didn't think you'd need insurance. When the time comes for you to renew your license plates, you learn that you can't get new plates without insurance. What to do? Why not call the insurance company that lets you pay a month at a time? You can pay for a month and then not worry about insurance again until next year.

The commercials go on and on, appealing to society's lowest denominator. Lots of people are home watching television during the day: doctors, waiters, firefighters, all kinds of people who work at night.
   But advertisers seem to think that most daytime viewers are lazy bums who want to make a quick buck without doing anything for it.
  
I'm not expecting "Masterpiece Theater" from the advertisers, but it would be nice if they would give their audience a little more credit -- and not the kind with a 22 percent interest rate.


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