From: Daniel Schesch
Sent: Sunday, January 5, 2003, 8:02 PM
Subject: Greg Freeman
Importance: High

Dear friends and family,

I owe several of you e-mails from last week, I just haven't had it in me to reply.   After telling you a couple of weeks ago about my California friend who committed suicide December 11, I unfortunately have the following bad news.

My close friend, Gregory Freeman, with whom I founded Bridges Across Racial Polarization in 1993, died in his sleep sometime during the night ending Tuesday morning, December 31, 2002.   It was totally unexpected, his kidney transplant had worked perfectly for over a year.   He was 46 years old.   Surviving him are his wife Elizabeth, their child, Will, a college student, his mother, his sister who donated her kidney and her family.

Greg's memorial service was yesterday, the chapel at Washington University was packed, people were standing, some watched via closed circuit TV, the paper says 1,100 (he was the urban columnist for the Post-Dispatch).   Unlike most religious services, the attendees were white, black, Catholic, Jewish, and everything in between.   Like my best friend Bert, who died in 2001, Greg was one of the few people who I could talk with about almost anything; the circle gets smaller. Greg was the only close friend I've made so far in middle age, Bert was from my grad school years.   But most of all Greg and I created something of value together which still stands, it was a partnership in the best sense of the word and it is ended.

I finally was able to write the following which may or may not be published in the Focus St. Louis newsletter (they have sponsored Bridges since 1994 and only asked for a few quotes), but I wanted to say these things.

Dan
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Focus members and Bridges participants know that Greg Freeman and I created Bridges Across Racial Polarization in 1993, but many do not know we became close friends as well.

Friendship for us, as with the ideas underlying Bridges, consisted of an appreciation, even a relishing of what seemed to be relatively few differences, and enjoyment of the sharing of the many things we found we had in common.

Bridges was a joint collaboration of two people who independently came to similar conclusions, and in sharing our ideas, validated them, and collaborated from that time on.
For people who have jointly written books or collaborated on scientific research, the above is old hat.   For me, it was a first, it was exciting, and our collaboration and friendship is a wonder that I still marvel at today.
The Bridges collaboration continued with the former and current co-chairs, members of the Bridges steering Committee, and Focus staff who have unstintingly worked with us to sustain and expand our effort to reduce racial polarization in the St. Louis area.

Greg wrote a number of columns recounting stories of people who made something of themselves, overcoming the odds against them, whether they were poverty, race, etc..   What matters is to perceive people as individuals, not according to a group pigeonhole.   Qualities like Greg's intelligence, talent, integrity, warmth, and decency, the benefit of his parents character and his upbringing, and his humility, perhaps made his achievements seem predictable in hindsight.   But he again proved the point of his ability to overcome odds with the way he persevered with his recent illnesses, operations, and the increasing physical disability of muscular dystrophy.

Greg had a great sense of humor.   Friendships bring out aspects of ourselves which may not be visible to most people.   I come across as a serious intense person, but Greg inspired my innate sense of humor (thanks Mom) and shared his with me.   He brought out my funny side so often, I had the pleasure many times of making him laugh. We frequently went off on wisecracking riffs with each other.   As with discussing race with each other (remember the old cliché 'never talk about politics & religion'), we also took many risks sharing our sometimes unconventional humor with each other.

Greg had tremendous integrity, he was very aware of potential conflicts of interest. For example, he did not write columns on issues affecting our St. Louis Skinker-DeBaliviere neighborhood while he served on the Community Council.   The only exception he permitted himself were his columns mentioning Bridges as part of asking readers to suggest solutions to racial divisions in St. Louis.

Greg was wise, he was an honest sounding board, and I came to implicitly respect his judgment.   He was one of my few friends with whom I could talk about almost anything; he enlarged my perspectives and ability to understand people and issues.   With his death, my world (and perhaps that of his readers/listeners) is less rich and somewhat smaller.

I knew only some of the many sides of Greg Freeman.   Reading what has been written, listening to what others said at the memorial service, I realize how much of Greg I had not yet gotten to know.   In some ways he was very private, and our friendship was still growing, we were slowly peeling off the layers of our onions.   Among other things, what I have lost is the depth and scope of the friendship that was still to come.

Daniel Schesch
Co-founder (with Greg Freeman) of Bridges Across Racial Polarization

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For those who didn't know Greg and who'd like to find out more than I've shared with you, the Post-Dispatch has a special location on their web site [note: no longer posted] ......
I like the selection best in Recent Columns, and under the Opinions groups, the "Commentary - A True Friend" (the P-D editorial for 1/1/2003).   I hope you enjoy reading about him as much as I enjoyed knowing him.